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I sat on my closet floor for 30 minutes this morning. My closet is my war room. It’s the one place I can disconnect my mind from all the distractions for a few moments. However, even that has become difficult. As I sat on the floor, I just whispered. “God help me”. “ I need you”.

I am depleted. I am mentally exhausted. The enemy has been trying to attack me over and over. I recognize this reality, and I am fighting the battle. I am in constant prayer and discussion with God, and constantly asking Jesus to take control. I surrender my life, my existence, to Jesus every single morning. I trust God with all my heart. He created me, He saved me. I live for God, first and foremost. Everything I do, I ask for guidance, wisdom, and direction. I prepare myself every single day, for whatever God has in store for me.

In theory, this should be enough, correct? However, my flesh is struggling. I’ve always been honest with my audience. And my honesty today is that I am really struggling. I know I am not the only one. These times are strange, confusing, and difficult. Every day is a challenge. For me, I’ve had zero rest. My nonprofit, Light of Hope, is serving our community in an emergency status. While other people have been quarantined, restricted, or confined, I’ve been on the forefront. We are feeding the masses through our food pantry, and our involvement in the USDA food box program. That is taking an entire team of volunteers to implement. Our support group programs, school drug education programs, and classes are having to be re-created, and new programs are having to be implemented. Everything we do is volunteer. we don’t get paid, and we work tireless hours. We rely on donations from our community, and the reality is, everyone is holding tight to their own money to prepare for the future. That means donations are not coming in. This puts stress on me, and an emotional struggle as well. The needs of our community are incredible, and we have to provide help. I cannot stand the thought of anyone going hungry. I cannot stand the thought of depression, isolation, addiction, and anything that hinders hope. Therefore, I will do whatever it takes to keep us moving forward and providing for our community. I have an incredible team of people, and they have been true angels as they pour their hearts into helping people see the hope.

The enemy knows this. The enemy knows how passionate I am about helping the people, and how willing I am to be all that God has called me to be. Therefore, the enemy keeps attacking me.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I know there are other people out there going through the same thing. I surrender my life every day, but I also struggle every day. It’s a mental, physical, and emotional battle right now. Even though I’m working tirelessly, I feel very alone. I’m digging into scripture, I drop to my knees in prayer all the time, yet I struggle. Just as Paul describes in Romans as he wages war with his flesh. The flesh is what we are and our spirit dwells within us. It’s a real battle and I know how to fight the battle. But it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s hard.

I pray that as I reveal this inward struggle to you, I am helping someone else who is facing the same struggle. We have permission to struggle. It’s ok to admit our weaknesses, for in the surrender we invite God unto the depths of our heart. These are the times of growth and refinement. These are where we enter into a more intimate relationship with Jesus. This relationship, this spiritual battle, is critical to our eternal life. Embrace the battle. Be willing to press on. Trust that God is with us, and allow the Holy Spirit to stir, speak, nudge, and guide us. Soon, we will look back and be able to help and hold the hand of someone else, because we have endured and know that all is well with God.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” PROVERBS 3:5-6 

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” EPHESIANS 6:12-13

God is with us.

Layla Freeman

© Layla Freeman 2020
Author of HOPE IN THE STRUGGLE and Layla’s Light 
All Rights Reserved 
P.O. Box 669 Claremore, OK 74018 
http://www.laylafreeman.com
laylaslight@cox.net
Facebook – Layla’s Light
Twitter – @laylaslight

Layla’s Devotional Book available for purchase at the following: 


AMAZON
Light of Hope  
Main Offices:  403 West 1st Street  Claremore, OK 74017
Food Pantry:  400 N. J. M. Davis Blvd. Claremore, OK 74017 
918-373-4560 

Published by

Layla Freeman

Layla Freeman is a wife, mother, friend, and encourager to all. She is a passionate disciple of Jesus Christ. Layla is the C.E.O. and Founder of the Non-Profit outreach ministry called “Light of Hope”. www.lightofhopeinc.org. This is an outreach to help individuals and families who are struggling with addiction and life difficulties. On Christmas Eve 2013, Layla lost her oldest daughter Ashley. Ashley was only 23 years old. There is no greater pain than child loss. Layla attributes her ability to face each day, to the overwhelming love of Jesus, who carries her through. This very difficult journey has given Layla the desire to help those who are facing difficult times and to help people see the hope. Her love for helping others is the passion behind Light of Hope. Light of Hope non-profit ministry has a vast variety of services that encourage, educate, empower and bring change and hope to the lives of those who need restoration and new life. Layla was awarded the Non-Profit “Leading Lady” award of Rogers County in 2018. She was also voted #1 community volunteer “Best of Claremore” in both 2019 & 2020. On June 9, 2020, Layla Freeman was Inducted into the Prestigious Marquis Who’s Who Biographical National Registry, as well as recognized as an “Amazing Oklahoman” in October 2020. Additionally, her non-profit Light of Hope was awarded the "Non-Profit of the Year" in both 2019 & 2020 and is also the winner of the International 2020 Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) Community Drug Prevention Award. Layla is also an author. Her first book publication, HOPE IN THE STRUGGLE, offers hope in the midst of dark times. Layla is also the author of the encouragement blog “Layla’s Light,” found on Facebook or on her website, www.laylafreeman.com. She has been actively writing since 2001. Layla’s personal experience in the extreme difficulties of life gives her a deep understanding of brokenness. Therefore, Layla’s writing and passion behind her desire to help others is empowered by the truth of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness, and the hope we find in God’s promises. Layla is also a Business Owner/Vice President of Asset Industrial, Inc. She and her husband, Randall, work together providing services necessary for the oil refinery industry. She is also a respected Executive Committee Board Member, serving on the State Northeast Oklahoma Workforce Development Board. Layla is a public speaker and enjoys the opportunity to speak and present to groups, schools, churches, organizations, conferences, etc. She has a passion to bring awareness, education, and hope to our society. She believes that working together, and collaboration with others is the key to healthy families and stronger communities. In addition, Layla is a Stephen Minister, Congregational Care Minister, Lay Servant/Speaker, and a volunteer for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. (Layla has two daughters who face Type 1 Diabetes daily).

2 thoughts on “Depleted

  1. Layla, praying for you. I pray that you feel God’s presence in a way that as the troubles of this world fall on your shoulders, you will not be crushed, but you will be filled with the deep peace of God. Your message today will help many and I appreciate your raw honesty.

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  2. Cindy these are difficult times and for most all of us except for about 3% of the population in the United States. We have peaceful marching in the streets not causing any problems and then we have a radical element that is destroying the ones that remain peaceful. The ultra wealthy is creating a monster. Aimed at the middle class. Why should 3% of the people in this country own as much as the rest of the population? Why should veterans be homeless. Why should anyone that lives in this country be homeless. The administration is out to destroy our country. Your husband and I fought together in a very unjustified war and when we came home people spit in my face, squirted Catsup on my uniform and through Barbie dolls with the heads removed and called us baby and women killers!! The President had 5 unjustified deferments!! If he gets reelected this country will be destroyed. People need to listen to the professionals so the virus will go away. We cannot shut the country down but in return we cannot continue to ignore the facts of wearing a mask, social distancing and washing our hands can stop this active virus. Our police are important to this country but they have to be responsible for their actions as well as the rest of us do also. Continue to pray but watch the way that this administration is handling these situations.

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