Emotions overwhelm me today. No particular reason, just the raw reality of grief. There is no ‘normal cycle’ of healing from great loss. There are no warning signs when the emptiness is going to punch you in the gut. When we get down to it; the truth of grief is very painful. As a Christian, we have the promises of God and hope of eternal life. We know our loved ones have what we ultimately live for…eternity in Heaven. I am so thankful for the comfort I find in those promises. Without God; I would be lost. So, today…I will allow my human spirit to grieve the loss of my beautiful daughter Ashley and my precious Aunt Carolyn. I will remember their love, and allow my heart to feel. The anniversary of Ashley’s passing is Dec. 24th, Christmas Eve. It has been 3 1/2 years. My Aunt passed in January, 1 1/2 years ago. Even though time continues on, the pain of such loss does not go away. I will not numb the feelings I have today…I will face them, acknowledge them, and recognize that it’s OK to grieve. Too often the world pushes us to move on…get over the loss…and pretend we are OK.
I admit that I put on my mask on a daily basis. I have to. How do you get over losing a child? How do you forget about the people who impacted your life daily…who molded you into who you are? You don’t. You do the best you can…one day at a time.
I will never forget you Ashley. I will hold you close to my heart forever. You are in my mind every single day.
I will never forget you Aunt Carolyn. You are my second mother…my example…the one who led me to Christ.
Thank you Jesus, for allowing me to know the depth of this kind of love. I look forward to eternity in Heaven. Until then, I keep the faith and pursue the cross. I pray that sharing my grief with you today, will help you open your heart to Jesus…so you can allow Him to heal your pain as well.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 TIMOTHY 1:7
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. HEBREWS 4:15-16
God is with us.
© Layla Freeman 2017
Author of HOPE IN THE STRUGGLE and Layla’s Light
All Rights Reserved
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Hope in the Struggle – $9.95
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